Contact
by jazzywazzy08
Summary: Bonnie can't feel anything anymore. Stefan needs someone to save.


Title: Contact

Rating: T

Summary: Bonnie can't feel anything anymore. Stefan needs someone to save.

Pairing(s): Stefan/Bonnie, w/brief mentions of Bonnie/Jamie, Bonnie/Jeremy, and Stefan/Elena

_**A/N: This is for Alicia aka PrettyGirlRocks as a thank you for reading and an expression of my complete adoration. Not sure if I like this but whatever. This is set post finale. I don't think there are any spoilers so no warnings really. Just my take on what Stefonnie could be like in the light of what happened. I have been working so this is might be all of the fic that you get from me for a while. Anyway its early in the morning and I am too sleepy to edit so excuse the errors please. First ever one shot so hope you guys like it. **_

**Contact**

His concern for her comes after his apology. His guilt had reached its apex the night that Elena was turned and he wants…no needs to have some sort of atonement. When he discovers the lengths that Bonnie had went to in order to save them, particularly, himself, Damon, and without her knowing it Elena as well, he realizes that his apology is long overdue. So partially because he knows it needs to be done and partially because he realizes that Elena is in a new place and in a new form that he cannot reach so an apology to her would mean little if anything, he ends up a Bonnie's door instead. When he sees her, his guilt comes out in a flood of words, regrets, sorrow, and self deprecation. He expects anger, resentment, disappointment, apathy, pity, or any of the many other emotions that he has seen play on Bonnie's face when she looks at him but that is not what he gets. He gets nothing. Nothing. Bonnie gives him a blank stare, her eyes and her face empty, and then she slowly shuts the door. The soft sound of the door closing leaves Stefan feeling strangely hollow and he wishes that she had slammed it, that action at least would have held some kind of emotion.

After that the worry sets in and he begins to watch her. It's all he has left to do really. He spent most of the past year pushing Elena away to protect her, denying himself and his feelings. Now when he wants to reach her more than anything, to save her, she won't let him. She prefers instead to bond with Caroline over having immortality thrust upon them without choice. He doesn't blame Elena for the distance that she places between her and himself, but he has to wonder, as he watches Bonnie, someone who he has sinned against and is not as far away from his reach, how her childhood friends have failed to notice that she was deteriorating. But then again, when it came to Bonnie it seemed that no one ever did.

Bonnie is pulling away from herself, becoming a shell of who she had been. A ghost of the smiling bubbly girl he had met upon returning to Mystic Falls. It's slow and almost fascinating to watch. She withdraws into herself to the point where she speaks to no one. She clung to Jamie as long as she could but one can only be with someone who doesn't really understand the hell that you live in and what it entails for so long without it breaking you both and it all coming undone, Stefan knows this. Jamie learns this when Bonnie stops answering his calls and he catches her one day practicing dark magic, the only thing that still seems to thrill her. Jamie tries to hold on to her, even going as far as to enlist Jeremy's help hoping that their past can bring out something in Bonnie that he can't. It doesn't work in the end.

Bonnie continues to dabble in the dark, until she is no longer dabbling. Stefan doesn't interfere. He knows she needs it. He knows that sometimes not feeling anything can be the best feeling. That death and destruction without thought of the consequences can the cathartic. But he also sees the moment that it turns into something else, the moment it must be stopped.

When he watches her watch an innocent man die at her hands, her face still expressionless, and hollow, he knows that the darkness has taken her. She is at her lowest. Most would think that she was untouchable but Stefan knows from experience that this is the perfect time to make contact. It is the time that there is nothing left to do but build her back up again. To make her remember what it was like to feel and then make her face her actions.

He plans to be to Bonnie what Lexi was to him, a light in the darkness, a temporary savior. That is what he plans, but like with most of his plans, things go awry.

He goes to her house and knocks on the door. He doesn't expect an answer. She's taken to shutting everyone out so he expects to work harder to get in. But the door swings open and there she's looking at him with those empty green eyes again.

She blinks at him and he can't tell if it's because she's expecting someone else or because she's at a loss as to why he's there. To him the motives are obvious. Bonnie can no longer feel and he needs someone to save.

"What do you want?" Bonnie asks. Her voice is toneless. Strange.

Stefan tries not to look as taken aback as he feels. It's been so long since he has heard her say something that isn't a spell or a threat. She doesn't talk to her friends anymore, then again he friends no longer seek her out. "Invite me in," he says simply.

"Why?" Is her answer.

He knows why. Because she needs him. Because he is likely the only one that can understand. The only one who has fallen from so high. The only one who has been the martyr, hero, and the moral high ground as well as the killer, sinner, and deprived. They are more alike than ever now that the neither is being held up to anyone's standards. Now that they are both left alone, trying to climb back up on top of their crumbling pedestals. He knows that she feels nothing now but just beneath that there is guilt, self loathing, anger, betrayal. All of the things she will eventually have to face. But he doesn't tell her this. Instead he says, "I want to apologize again. Maybe you'll actually hear me this time."

She shakes her head. "I don't need another apology from you," she says, "Why don't you just go save Elena from going on another killing spree. What is this? Her third one this month?" That's what Damon had said when he had come begging for her help not realizing even after seeing her how far she had fallen. Stefan winces. The lack of expression on her face just makes the words sting that much more. "I'm sure she'll catch up to Katherine in no time at all."

"Is that all you have to say about what happened to your best friend?" He asks. He isn't really surprised oreven angry. His words are to provoke her. He knows that she can't feel anything about what happened to Elena because if she does it will let the other emotions in. She doesn't have the luxury of an on and off switch.

"I suppose I should care," she says, "Maybe I would if I could still feel anything."

"You will again with time," he says.

She laughs a hollow laugh that makes him flinch. "You're the expert, right?" She says. The edge of humor that might have been in her voice is absent, that too gone from her emotional repertoire it seems.

"Invite me in," he says.

"I told you," she says taking a step backwards, "I don't need any more apologies."

She moves to shut the door and he can feel her retreating. "Invite me in," he repeats. He knows what she will do before she does it. Her power hits him fast and swift. The familiar aching burning in his head sends him to his knees. He looks up at her as she lords over him her hand twisted and her face blank. "Invite me in," he says again through gritted teeth. He is if nothing else, persistent.

"What are you?" she asks, "A broken record?" She steps out of the house and this is what he wants, what he's been waiting for. She stands over him and watches as he climbs to his feet not realizing yet that there is no longer a physical barrier between them. "I told you," she says, "I can't feel. So whatever you have to say means nothing to me Stefan."

It's the truth. She can't cry, she can't feel pain, empathy, joy, sorrow, happiness, love. It's all lost to her. Foreign. She can't even feel the high that comes with her powers anymore. She can't even feel the brief satisfaction that had come the first time she made someone fall down at her feet and beg her for mercy. She has given up and nothing seems to be able to reach her and no one cares enough to try,

She knows what this is. Stefan is trying to play the hero. Elena was out of his reach and Damon had managed to stand on his own two feet so she [s the only one that Stefan has access to that he thinks needs help. The only one that can make him feel better about his misdeeds. But she refuses to be his absolution. Not when she knows that she is beyond anyone's help.

"Leave," she says as she looks into his eyes. There is no malice in her voice, because she is no longer capable of it.

She doesn't realize that she has left the security of her house until she is pressed against wall next to the still open door, the brick cold and rough against her skin and Stefan's hands at her throat.

Even as he holds her life in his hands her eyes still stare blankly back at him. He growls in frustration loosening his grip. His hands move to her shoulders and he shakes her, his grip too rough for his own comfort. Nothing. "Damn it, Bonnie," he hisses.

He doesn't want to give up but she is leaving him with no choice. But then he remembers something that Lexi once told him. "There is one thing that everyone needs," she had said, "Something basic that is indiscriminant. Be it mortal, wolf, witch, or vampire we all need contact. A touch. A caress. A show of affection. Anything that can let us know that we're seen, anything that can form a connection. That contact is what makes us feel, it's what keeps us human."

Even in his darkest times Stefan had had that and Bonnie had been bereft of it for so long. Changing his tactic Stefan doesn't look at Bonnie as if she's the shell in front of him or as if she's someone that he needs to save, he looks at her in a way he hasn't looked at her in a while, he looks at her as if she is his friend. His grip on her shoulders becomes gentle, almost as if he's scared that she might break. He leans forward hesitantly and presses a gentle kiss on her lips. "Did you feel that?" He whispers.

She blinks a few times. The seconds stretch and suddenly she's trembling. She worries her bottom lip and the gesture is so like Bonnie that Stefan wants to shout with triumph but instead he stays still. He waits.

She traces a finger of her lips marveling at the sensation that lingers. That after all this time she can feel something, anything other than nothing at all. "Yes," she says her voice small, astonished, and a little broken.

Stefan thinks of Elena for a moment. Thinks of what it will mean for them if he does what he now knows that he has to do if he wants to bring Bonnie back, if he wants to save whatever humanity that she has left. But it's not just the selfish part of him that wants to save Bonnie now or the part that is consumed with guilt. No. It's the part of him that admires her, that trusts her, that respects her, that is connected to her. The part of him that wants nothing more than for her to be what she once was, not the witch, but the girl that was even in the earliest moments of meeting her from what he could see was a beautiful person inside and out and a good friend. Just as quickly as they appear the thoughts of Elena pass.

Stefan gently runs his hands down Bonnie's sides stopping at her waist. She revels at the feeling of being _touched_. At the tenderness she doesn't deserve. She remembers the vague thoughts that she had in between the spells and the bloodshed wishing that someone would reach out and just hold her hand. That someone would see that she was still there and that she was scared and alone. That someone would pull her into their arms in the way that Stefan was doing and hold her. "Everything is going to be alright, Bonnie," he whispers and she wants to not want this. But she is desperate for it, to feel close to anything again. To feel anything again, to have gentle hands come and piece her back together.

She pushes him away and he thinks that perhaps he's made a mistake. She steps over the threshold, back into the safety of her home, but she leaves the door open behind her. She turns away from him and begins to walk toward the stairs just to the left of the front door. "Come in," she says in a voice so low that had he not been what he was he may have not heard it.

He follows her into the house and shuts the door behind him.

She keeps walking until they reach her bedroom. Finally she turns to face him. He kisses her again and its evident in the ways that she leans into him that she needs his touch. So he complies. He touches her. His hands moving, deliberately, lingering in places. She doesn't object as he undresses her and then himself. Doesn't object when they end up in her bed. She only protests when his hands leave, when he loses contact; and so he touches, and teases, and kisses, and licks, and he watches as she slowly comes back from the dead.

Each of his touches brings more of her to the surface as well as all the emotions that she has managed to suppress. She welcomes it; the good, the bad, and the painful. When finally he's inside of her there is something akin to light in her eyes. "I'm here Bonnie," he says with each thrust, "Can you feel me?" He needs to hear her say it. Needs to know that what he sees is really happening. That she is really coming back.

He holds her as she cries when it's over. The first tears that she has shed in months. The sobs that leave her are painful but cleansing. "Thank you," she whispers when the tears stop. He takes her hand as an answer. She takes a deep breath and then she looks at him showing more emotion than she thought she was still capable of. "Promise you won't let go," she says her words holding a double meaning.

He doesn't hesitate before he says, "I promise." As she squeezes his hand and he kisses her forehead Stefan realizes belatedly that their interwoven fingers remind him that he's still human too.


End file.
